Jounouchi's Hilarious Stories
by Melony Mutou2
Summary: Ever wonder what happens to Jounouchi when he's not out fighting evil worlddominationbent bad guy duelists? Well, here's a bit of made up funny stuff that possibly DOES go on. Title sucks, I know.
1. Zim

Heh... I thought I'd try a shot at a humor fic. I mean, I'm really horrible at writing humor... but I'm really funny! You can ask any of my friends, every chance I get I'm doing something funny and making everyone laugh. It sucks that I can't put my humorous genius into words.

Until now.

I decided that I would write something humorous, based off of some comics I drew with a made-up character of mine and her brothers. -sigh- now, enough about how I came to create this story, you probably don't care... -.-U ... -pushes Jou forward- read it.

Jou: Disclaimer - Melony Mutou2 -snick- does not own Yu-Gi-Oh, but she does own the basic idea of this fic and all of its inside jokes. Oh, she owns a bunch of cards and over four hundred... WHAT!

-twitch- finish reading it...

Jou: ... four hundred pictures of me on her computer o.o ... I am scarred...

On with the stupid fic!

**Story One: ZIM**

**Idea written by: Melony**

**Original comic drawn by: Melony**

**Person who thinks this whole thing is stupid and shouldn't be written here: Jounouchi**

**Person who thinks Jounouchi is a bastard for typing that on the fic: Melony**

He sat in the lounge, a pocky stick hanging from his mouth. Sprawled over the couch, his legs hung off the back and his arms off to the side as he stared with his chocolate eyes at the TV, upside-down. A coffee table sat in front of him that was neatly decorated with a nice green plant and a chess board; it was also soiled by the old candy wrappers and pizza boxes that lay around everywhere, and the rancid smell of old cheese.

His blonde hair was hanging and oily, it was apparent that he hadn't taken a shower. Not that he smelled bad. He just _looked_ dirty. His chin was covered with a five o' clock shadow.

Regardless of his current position and need of a grooming, he stared directly at the TV screen, not wanting to turn it off, not even for a moment. Yet, he wasn't watching anything interesting. It was a program about soap.

He brought his lifeless arm back to life and picked it up, turning the channel down to cartoons. A cartoon about a talking dog and the sitter who watched him, and how he was the only one who knew the dog could talk, and they were best friends. You might know this show, _Corniel and Bernie_. It flipped to commercial. The blonde sighed boredly.

Then, a curious commercial came up. This caught Jou's interest, and he focused on it. It was that little green alien, Zim, from _Invader Zim_, that hilarious show that he found Mokuba was very fascinated with. Zim was dressed in a santa costume, and a little song came on and played. Jou immediately fell in love. He rolled off the couch, he was starting to laugh so hard.

Seto walked into the room. He put a hand over his nose and then rolled his arrogant icy eyes and walked over, turning off the TV set. "Jounouchi, get off your lazy ass and clean the lounge!" he ordered. The blonde blinked for a couple of moments at the crystal blue eyes that were staring death at him.

Jou silently climbed to his feet and then walked over and stood in front of Seto. No emotion covered the blonde's face. This made Seto's glare go away and he blinked, a confused expression covering his face. "_BOW DOWN!_" Jou suddenly started, "_BOW DOWN! BEFORE THE POWER OF SANTA! OR BE CRUSHED! BE CRUSHED! BY HIS JOLLY BOOTS OF **DOOM**!_"

The brunette got an embarrassed, yet 'you are insane' look on his face. "I don't know how I put up with you..." Seto shook his head, bringing his palm flat against his forehead.

Jounouchi grinned.


	2. School

Okay, part one was pretty bad. But the first one is always bad. And besides, this one is better.

Jou: Disclaimer - Melony Mutou2 -snicker- does not own anything patented.

That pretty much explains it XD

**Story Two: School**

Jounouchi sat with his chin on the table in the hallway. Other teens walked past him, but very few were there. There was a little chatting here or there, but besides that the hallway was almost silent. "I can't believe Kaiba drove us to school early!" he whined. He closed his eyes, getting a bored look as he tried to think of something to do.

_Seto grabbed up his jacket and keys. "Jounouchi, go get in the limo."_

"_What!" Jou looked up from his breakfast. "But, Kaiba! We still have nearly an hour before school starts!" the blonde clearly didn't want to leave yet, and neither did Otogi, who sat near Jou, looking up with a shocked and angry face. Yugi sat next to Otogi and didn't seem too fazed with the announcement._

"_I don't care. Kimo's not here today, and so I have to drive you, Mokuba, Yugi, and Otogi to school. And I have to get to work in," the brunette glanced at his watch. "Two minutes. GET YOUR STUFF AND GET IN THE LIMO NOW." Seto ordered. Jou groaned, getting up and taking one last bite of his egg sandwich before reluctantly throwing it away before he could finish it. Otogi climbed to his feet and sighed, starting for the front door. Yugi was out first, however, already ready and everything. Jou went and grabbed his backpack, heading out after Otogi._

Suddenly the image of Zim zapped through his head for a split second.

The blonde grinned.

Jou slowly got up to his feet. He looked around at the nearly lifeless halls, and then took off running up and down them.

"_BOW DOWN! BOW DOWN! BEFORE THE POWER OF SANTA! OR BE CRUSHED! BE CRUSHED! BYY! HIS JOLLY BOOTS OF **DOOM!**"_ he sung, loudly and clearly for everyone to hear.

"OH SHUT UP!" one of the teens who was obviously cranky from sleep depravation and had to come to school early on a regular basis took the notebook he was working in on doing last-minute homework and threw it at the blonde, hitting him directly in the back of the head.

Jou got a shocked look, tumbling forward.

"Oww..."


	3. Hondy Pokey

Okay, next chapter. Uhm, apparently I've gotten some good points for the last two chapters. Personally I didn't think they were too funny, but maybe that's because I really only think certain things are funny... -shrugs- oh well, as long as people like it, then I'll continue XD

Jou: Disclaimer - Melony Mutou2 -snick- doesn't own YuGiOh! Nor does she own Boot and/or Sandal verbs. And yes, in Spanish, there is such thing as boot and sandal verbs.

Jounouchi?

Jou: Yeah?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SNICKER AFTER SAYING MY NAME!

Jou: ... -sheepish grin- uhh... potato?

GOD DAMMIT! YOU STUPID TWIT!

**Story Three: Hondy Pokey**

**The original name of this "story" was Poaly Pokey, but of course, I can't put an OOC in the story, so bear with me here...**

Jounouchi sat boredly tapping his pencil against his desk. He listened as the teacher talked on and on and on about something he'd already figured out about twenty minutes ago, and it takes a while for his brain to function. But it was always like this in this class, so he didn't care much. It was kind of nice to not have to worry about listening anymore and just being able to stare off into space.

That is, unless you're like Jou and have an EXTREMELY short attention span...

Jou restlessly fidgeted in his seat and stared at the white bored, watching as his Spanish Teacher showed them how to conjugate some boot and sandal verbs.

In a seat in front of Jounouchi, Honda sat, totally dazed and not paying any attention at all. However, unlike Jou, he hadn't yet figured out anything related to the topic he was currently taking. In fact, he didn't understand Spanish at all. He just wanted to get a class with Jou.

A large grin spread Jou's lips as he put down his pencil and reached forward, poking Honda in the shoulder.

Honda blinked, turning around in his seat, looking at Jou questioningly. "Whaat?" Jou blinked innocently, a small smile on his lips.

Honda decided to ignore Jou and turn back around to get back in his comfortable dazed state. However, he once again felt that finger on his shoulder, and turned his head to look at Jou again, this time an annoyed look plastered on. "Whaat?" Jou asked questioningly again. This irritated Honda, but regardless, he turned back around and hoped, for Jou's sake, that the blonde would not poke him again.

He did.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Rage boiled up in Honda, his face went red and anger marks spread across his forehead.

Again.

Honda turned around in a fit of rage,

"**_WOULD YOU STOP POKING ME ALREADY?_**"

Jou shrunk down to a little tiny speck, then squeaked,

"s-sorry, Honda..."


	4. Winter Break?

In the comics that I drew, that last chapter was the funniest. Everyone thought that was the best...

I've come to the conclusion that I looks a lot better drawn U oh well. You win some you lose some.

Jou: Disclaimer- -sigh- Melony does not own YuGiOh... I don't know why she's putting all these disclaimers... she doesn't normally do this in her other stories... normally she only renews them every five chapters or so...

There's always SOMETHING funny in the disclaimer, though.

Jou: Ah. Oh well.

Oh well? That's it?

Jou: ... yup.

-sigh- -.- Here's your chapter. I know I haven't asked this yet, but would you PLEASE review? It lets me know that there are actually people reading my story and gets me less discouraged... if I don't get many reviews, I feel that I must quit the story and work on my other ones because this one isn't getting any recognition and is useless... so, if you want this story to continue flourishing, please review!

**Story Four: Winter Break?**

Jou was ecstatic, hopping around excitedly. "YEAH! No school for two weeks! Booyah!" he chortled. His imagination sprung, as he muttered, "Let's see... I'll be able to..."

_Sleep in..._

Jounouchi sat on a bed, totally out cold. He snored, and turned over, muttering stuff quietly in his slumber. Otogi walked by the bedroom door, and turned his head, noticing the slumbering blonde. A large smirk grew on his lips, and he pulled out a permanent marker...

_Stay up late watching TV..._

The blonde sat in front of the TV, his eyes a shadeless white, staring directly at the screen, which was also the only source of light in the room, for all the other lights were off.

'Bi tihs nu cleenr! U wont regret it!' the TV played, a picture of a man holding up some sort of box with some sort of liquid in it.

Yugi walked down the stairs, scratching his stomach with one hand and rubbing sleepiness from his eyes with the other. He then blinked, noticing the blonde and his position that was a LITTLE too close too the TV.

"Uhh, Jounouchi-kun..."

"Must bi cleenr..."

_Pig out on candy..._

Jou walked through the front door with two big grocery bags in his hands. He whistled a little tune as he walked into the kitchen and placed the bags on the counter. "Okay, here it is! My rations of candy for the next two weeks!" he pulled out three boxes of Reese's, two boxes of lollipops, four boxes of truffles, forty bars of chocolate...

He pulled one of the chocolate bars out, and, his mouth watering, he slowly folded down the wrapper. The smell made his drool become thicker, and his brain and body demanded for the sweet delight. He brought the bar to his mouth, and just as he was about to take a bite...

Mokuba reached up and snatched the bar. "Oooh, candy! Thanks, Jou! I'll go tell the others that you're sharing!" he wandered out into the lounge. Jou turned his head.

"Wha... wha... wha?"

_Open LOTSA pressies!..._

Jounouchi tore the wrapping from the brown box and tossed it aside. He opened the box quickly and was discouraged when he pulled out a large, brown, turtle-neck sweatshirt instead of a new CD or iPod. He looked at Seto expectantly.

"This isn't my ONLY present from you, right?" he narrowed his eyes. Seto rolled his eyes back.

"What? Were you expecting something flashy?"

"Well a rare card wouldn't hurt..."

"Yes, it would. Not that it would be possible for you to defeat me with just ONE rare card, but it would make you stronger, and I don't need that."

"Grr..."

"Here, Jou! Open mine! You'll like it!" Otogi handed forward a box wrapped with dark green paper, Jou's favorite color. Jou's eyes sparkled.

"Why... why, thanks, Ryuuji! That's so thoughtful of you!" the blonde grinned gladly, and then immediately started ripping off the paper. He went to take off the lid...

_BAM!_ Just like a jack-in-the-box, something popped out on a spring. But this object was a large, extremely hard rock-shaped piece of metal. It jabbed Jou right in the face, and the blonde fell over, unconscious. Otogi grinned.

"That'll teach him to expect presents from me..."

_Drink EGGNOG!_

Jou tiredly dug through the refrigerator, looking for something to eat. His eyes sparkled as they laid upon the carton that read on its green side label, 'Eggnog'. The blonde grabbed the carton up and immediately started to drink right from it, just like any other guy would. After he'd had a good taste, he brought it over and got a cup.

Minutes later, he was staggering around and went up to Seto, putting an arm around the now annoyed brunette. "Kaiba... ya... ya gotta taste dis... ... milk... stuff... EGGNOG! Eggnog, ya gotta try da eggnog..." he hiccuped and grinned stupidly as the CEO peeled the blonde's arm from his shoulder with distaste.

"OTOGI! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ADDING RUM TO THE EGGNOG?"

_Randomly climb on the back of the couch..._

Jou sat on the couch's back, arms spread down on both sides-

"But Christmas Break isn't for another two weeks." Mokuba's voice interrupted Jou's story. Jou fell over off of the couch, creating a sort of 'whump!' noise.

Jou climbed to his feet and threw his arms up, a stream of tears on his cheeks.

"Wahhhh!"


	5. AUGH!

New chapter! . I hope everyone liked the last one... XD none of that stuff in between happened in the comic, I just sort of showed her sleeping in and stuff. Oh, and the last one was actually "cuddle with my plushies" but obviously I couldn't do that with Jou, I need to salvage his masculinity, there are already all those yaoi jokes out there about him.. -.-

Jou: Disclaimer - Melony does not own YuGiOh, but she does own this fic and her crazy-insane ideas.

Did you know Jou, that in this story you're based off of one of my made-up's named Aiken who's a girl and has a crush on you and thinks that you and Pegasus together is a cute idea?

Jou: O-O

-grin- yay. Now that I creeped Jou out, should I continue? Oh yes, that's right, there are some things I wanted to mention...

If you are at all interested in these stories and would like to see the actual comics with my made up, Aiken, and her brothers and her friends and people she annoys, then e-mail me (my e-mail address is in my profile) and tell me that you would, label it "comics" or "Jou's stories" or something so I know and so that it will catch my eye. Bear with me, I don't check my e-mail often (and everytime I do I don't look at a lot of the e-mails I get -sweatdrop-), so it might take me a while to reply.

Oh, and I got an anonymous review saying something about having Jou flirt with Seto, but I'm really not into the thought of Jou being gay, considering I'm a MAJOR fan of him, and well... I just like it how it's going. If it were any other character I'd do it, but... nah. Anyway. This is nearly half a page of rambling, so I'm sorry. Go on with your story...

**Story Five: AUGH!**

Jounouchi lay on his bed with nothing to do but work or study in the books and notebooks that lay strewn out in front of him. He tapped his pencil impatiently and with 'bored' written across his forehead.

An idea popped into his head, just like before, and a large grin spread his lips.

He hopped to his feet off of the bed and wandered out into the hall, looking around for his first victim. He ran down into the lounge, and spotted Seto on the couch reading a book and sipping on coffee.

Jounouchi got down on his stomach and slowly crawled around and back behind the couch, then hopped up and poked Seto in the shoulder. The CEO blinked, looking back at the blonde who had started running off in a fit of giggles. Seto stared off in the direction Jou went with a look that said he thought Jounouchi was completely insane.

The blonde then went through the halls, coming up on a turned-around Yugi. He slowly tiptoed to the teen and poked him on the back and then dashed off, once again in a fit of giggles. Yugi slowly turned his head and simply gave off a questioning glance, trying to figure out what the heck just happened.

Next, Jounouchi came up on Mokuba who was sitting and doing his homework in his room, just like Jou had been a few minutes ago before he came up with the _brilliant_ idea of going around and poking everyone in the mansion. He closed in slowly, ready to pounce on his prey. He stepped up and reached his hand forward, poking Mokuba, and then once again he ran off in a fit of giggles. The raven-haired boy looked in the direction Jou went with a quirked eyebrow.

Jounouchi, jumping around while snickering and having what he thought was the greatest fun ever, then remembered that he forgot somebody. He blinked and looking around, going all over the mansion, and soon found Otogi deep in concentration with a video game.

He slowly made his way upon Otogi, creeping up behind him, trying to hold in his snickers. He then reached out and pressed his index finger against the black-haired teen's shoulder. It was silent. Neither Jou nor Otogi moved. Otogi suddenly grew ten times larger and turned his head, "**_DON'T POKE ME GODDAMMIT!_**" He shouted.

The blonde retreated a bit and shrunk down, his eyes wide and his breathing quick.

"...AUGH!"


	6. Weirdo

New chapter! . I hope everyone liked the last one... XD I couldn't figure out what to put as an ending quote... lol

Jou: Disclaimer- Melony does not own YuGiOh or Kingdom Hearts, but she does own nearly every Duelist Kingdom episode and has beaten Kingdom Hearts to the point where she can watch the secret ending, but unfortunately the game screwed over during the credits and she was unable to watch it so she just downloaded it off of Limewire instead...

Shh! You'll make people get suspicious! -shifty eyes-

Here's your chapter.

**Story Six: Weirdo...**

**There was actually a story before this one labeled "Sora" But the character had a sort of crush on Sora, and it wouldn't be right if I put Jou in that position...**

"No! DAMMIT SORA! NO! CURA! CURA DAMMIT!" Jounouchi vigorously pressed away at the buttons on the PS2 controller, glaring at the screen and the boy on it that was running around and attacking the dark monsters that climbed from the ground.

Seto came walking up and blinked, watching Jounouchi for a moment. "Hey, just the other day, weren't you listening to some song and muttering, 'poor Sora and Kairi...'?" the cold brunette asked.

Jou didn't look up at the CEO, but replied, with a glare still directed at the screen, "WELL MAYBE IF HE FREAKIN' CAST CURA THEN I WOULD SAY POOR SORA!" He focused his glare harder, "UGGH WHAT THE FUCK!" he threw up a table with glasses of water on it that was conveniently placed to suit his current needs to destroy something. Seto threw his arms up and laughed at Jou's frustration, but then suddenly his eyes widened.

Jou stared at the screen in front of him with big eyes that currently said, in large letters, 'GAME OVER'. He stared for a moment longer... but then a stream of tears broke out and ran down his cheeks. "STUPID THING!" Jou shouted out.

"I-It's alright, Jounouchi!" Seto panicked, trying to quiet Jou down. "I'll get you some ice cream, how about that?" Seto asked.

Jounouchi hopped up and ran off, now in a fit of joy, "YAH! Ice cream!"

Seto merely stared after the blonde, getting an embarrassed look. '_THAT was a quick reaction..._' he thought to himself. He brought a hand behind the back of his head and scratched it.

"Weirdo..."


	7. Vile Germs

. I'm... mesmerized in playing .Hack/Infection ... you may not see me a lot, I may be glued to my tv screen playin that game... Wouldn't it be just so cool if they had real versions of that game where there really was an online server and all that? ... o.o is there? Well whatever.

And I'm so torn! T.T nobody has read or reviewed any of my newest Death Bite installments! I put up the last chapter! It's finished now! Finally! And no one cares! IT SUCKS! Why, Ra, why?

Jou: Disclaimer- -yawns- Mel-dono does not own YuGiOh or .Hack/Infection or any of the other games - or, well, she owns a copy of the game to play - but she doesn't own the production or anything like that. I think the only thing that Mel owns that is of any importance is her weird ideas... oh and her body.

WHAT ABOUT MY MIND?

Jou: That's of no importance.

-twitch- ... well... while I beat up Jounouchi... here is the next chapter.

Jou: -nod; nod- -blink- wait, what?

**Story Seven: Vile Germs**

The pack of Blue-Eyes White Dragon cards lay on the counter. He stared at them for a moment, but then picked one up and went to the counter with his choice. "I'd like to buy this pack of booster cards, please." he smiled at the cashier, who nodded, scanning the card pack and then handing it to the blonde. Jounouchi handed over some bills and coins, and the cashier smiled.

"Thank you, please come again." the man said, and Jounouchi gave a small nod as he exited with his booster pack in hand.

The blonde entered the mansion with a happy whistle and called, "I'm home!" upon his entry he noticed Seto exiting from the kitchen that was just a few steps away, drinking something from a glass. He was sporting some thin-rimmed glasses and had a dictionary open in his left hand. "Doing homework, Seto?" Jounouchi blinked.

Seto turned with a vein showing itself on his forehead, and muttered, "So what if I-" Jounouchi began to cut him off as he continued, saying, "HEY, WAIT A MIN-"

"I got Duel Monster Cards!" Jounouchi chimed. He whipped them out and began to open then and quickly flip through to the rare card that is 'guaranteed in every pack'. He grinned wide and jumped up excitedly, flailing his arms, announcing, "I GOT VILE GERMS!" Realizing his statement, he blinked.

Needless to say, Seto spewed his drink and began to hunch over and bawl in laughter. Jounouchi blinked for a moment, getting a fair look of realization and muttered,

"Oh, wait..."


End file.
